Thoughts on Jennifer Phang's "Advantageous"

*Potential spoilers

Last weekend, I watched low-budget feminist sci-fi film Advantageous. Though Advantageous may not satisfy those who seek action and a turbulent plot, it is a thoughtful and elegant work. The plot unfolds through subtle statements and scenes. The aesthetic overall is very clean as well.

The movie's poster is rather misleading, due to the focus being more about abstract concepts of the human condition than technology itself, but Advantageous stays true to its subdued style with a future that simply seems normal. It is a future that makes sense. The chronological setting is not played up, like with many other futuristic movies, but is instead treated as what is. This New York includes towering upgraded modernist buildings and a blank white sky. Like the emptiness of the sky and its cold lighting, there is little compassion. Today's social issues are only elevated.

Above anything, Advantageous is about maternal love, dedication and sacrifice. Gwen, the protagonist, is the single mother of 12-year-old Jules. She works at a biomedical engineering firm, the "Center for Advanced Health and Living". The Center had recently come far in development in a process which transfers the consciousness to a younger, beautiful body. Of course, the target audience is women. In this future, women are struggling to find jobs, struggling to conceive due to growing infertility, and are expected to be reliant on men. Gwen, who is not old, but no longer young, faces incredible hardship when her position as the face of the Center is to be exterminated. Gwen searches for other occupations, but because the society demands youth, the only possibility of money would be in egg donation (which she still is considered old to be doing). At the company, Gwen is manipulated into being the first person to have the consciousness-transferring process executed on. The biggest pressure and tool in persuasion was Jules' incredibly expensive tuition, which Gwen cannot bear to deny. As a mother, she is willing to sacrifice her everything so that her daughter can be successful in life.

Here are only a few what I considered the most thoughtful pieces of Advantageous:

In the scene above, Gwen finds out that Drake, who was like a sort of over-the-phone assistant, is not human. He than asks her "How do you define a human being?" to which she replies with "Do you have blood running through your veins? Do you get thirsty?" Drake replies with "That is the definition of a human being?" leaving Gwen incredibly confused.

Gwen tries to remain optimistic in her search for income, but she finds that society just wants nothing she has to offer.

As technological advances accelerate, there is little room for those who can't keep up. Mere human existence isn't enough anymore.

Even Jules is very aware of the adults' lack of direction. She knows that no one really knows how to handle where society is going, and she's conscious of the fact that there is only interest in what she can offer in profit, rather than her true characteristics.

Twice in the film, Jules asks "Why am I alive?" Once is with Gwen, and the second time is with "Gwen 2.0" (the new version of her mother). The first times, Gwen responds with simple pleasures like music and her love, but this answer doesn't satisfy Jules. The second time, the answer is that it doesn't matter because "whatever you do will be wonderful and worthwhile." Jules then squints her eyes in suspicion and Gwen explains her answer further, discussing kindness, empathy, and energy.

This is hands down my favorite scene in the movie. It takes place during Christmas after Gwen opens Jules' gift, which is a stylized portrait of her.

What draws the most interest in Advantageous is not the plot itself, but the themes it portrays. Social problems then are not much different in topic than today. The future society is completely possible. In terms of being anxious about the direction of the world and not understanding their purpose, the youth of today is not that much different compared to Jules. The greed of society and lack of compassion are not foreign either. Though many people only care about the production and income of an individual, there is still raw and rich love between a mother and her daughter. Overall, Advantageous is a movie that effectively explores the concept of human value.

Perfection

Literal perfection does not exist. 

I myself am a perfectionist at least 80% of the time. Of course there are pros, but overall, it's just so taxing. Sure, you get good products from detailed criticisms, but when it extends to yourself, the benefits just fade away. To seek improvement is healthy, but when you beat yourself up day after day over your shortcomings, it's tiresome, miserable, and unhealthy. The thing is, people are just not meant to be perfect.

The concept of perfection comes in multiple forms. Something can be considered perfect when you're content with it, but the form that I'm discussing is absolute flawlessness. Ironically, these different concepts of perfection are actually opposites. It's accepting or even loving flaws versus seeking to eliminate every last one. The latter is taking self-criticism to the extreme.

Being a perfectionist towards yourself hurts your self esteem and results in unnecessary hardships. I myself know that you can't simply stop, but I'd like to offer some consolation to anyone who can't help but be painfully hard on themselves.

People aren't meant to be perfect. Shortcomings create roads, journeys. If you don't have anything to improve on, you have nowhere to go. If you absolutely and completely excel at everything, there is no room for growth. Having things to better is a good thing, because once you hit the top, you can only go down from there. 

Comparison

Nocturne in Black and Gold - The Falling Rocket James Abbot McNeill Whistler

"Comparison will kill you" is an incredibly common phrase. It's true too. When you compare yourself to other that you deem "better", you kill your self-esteem, your joy, etc. To put yourself down in the sight of others is a disrespect to yourself and does not bring the other person up. Comparison of looks, skill, and related topics does not help anyone.

When I joined color guard during my freshman year, there was a junior named Kaleigh who honestly scared me at first (she made my friend cry upon first meeting too). Kaleigh was strict, hardworking, and an intense person. She was tiny in size, but could intimidate so easily. Soon enough, she unexpectedly became a mentor to me. She taught me new skills, offered a never-ending supply of constructive criticism, and gave me the tough love that allowed me to develop better skills. She not only guided me in color guard, but shared her thoughts and experiences on abstract concepts and profound ideas. Kaleigh was not only an older friend, but a source of learning. 

Though she wasn't the most skilled in dance (which I actually helped her out with), she had power in her moves and was especially good at rifle. Kaleigh had good technique. She learned well and could execute. I was surprised when during my sophomore year when she told me of her doubts in her ability. It was her senior year, and of course, there was a senior student appointed as the guard captain. It wasn't Kaleigh, and though she was not bitter, she felt as if she were lesser than the leader. Our guard captain was the opposite of Kaleigh, with a relaxed attitude and a moderate flow instead of Kaleigh's sharp power and precision. On a rainy night, after driving around town and getting snacks, Kaleigh and I were chilling in my room when she told me that she just felt inadequate in color guard. She then proceeded to compare herself to the leader. She said the guard leader (her peer) was liked a lot more by the coach, was more graceful, etc. It pained me to hear how much these thoughts burdened her. 

In response, I told her "You're not lacking in skill, and you're not without talent. Kaleigh, you're hardworking and incredibly skilled. Think of it this way, you two are like different colors. Sure our coach likes one color more, due to her own personal taste, but that does not make the other without brilliance. You simply can't compare the two. Both are beautiful and both are just different. Favor shows opinion, not fact. There just can't be a better one."

Though it is tough, I beg you not to compare yourself to anyone else. Don't put yourself down or long to be that person, because you have so many irreplaceable qualities with their own brilliance. You are a masterpiece. If you don't possess what's declared favorable by society or peers, you are not lacking. In fact, there are things that are unique about you, and people will and do appreciate them. In their eras, Vincent van Gogh and James Abbott McNeill Whistler were mocked and disrespected because what they had to offer didn't conform to the popular taste. Their works were magnificent and lived on. In terms of value, it doesn't matter what anyone else has, because it's just not related to what you have. The qualities you have are a treasure, so treat them as such.

Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Rowan

"What has been your most beautiful moment in life?"

"I haven't lived yet. I haven't done anything momentous yet, so nothing."

"Okay, then what is something that you think will be one of the most beautiful things you do?"

"Maybe finding my birth mother, getting married, having kids...I don't know?"

"Could you share more about meeting your birth mother?"

"When I'm eighteen I'd find a private investigator or somehow get the information about her, then write her a letter and ask her if she wanted to meet me. If she did, then I guess it'd be super hella awkward because I'd have to bring my mom. But anyway, I'd get to meet her kids and have little brothers and sisters. I've always thought about that."

"Oh, so you'd be the oldest sibling? What's your family like right now?"

"I'm the middle child. My older brother is named Riston, and my younger sister is named Ferin. Ferin's a little brat, as most little kids are. Well....she's not little since she's a year younger than me, but I think I'm better than her because it's true. (laughs) Riston's always gone because he's in college. I miss him a lot. He's moving to Kansas City and it's sad because I don't want him to leave. I relate more to Riston than Ferin because Ferin's in theater and Riston's just a geek like me. We're two geeks in a....geek squad...car....or something."

"I'm envisioning a small clown car. Not gonna lie."

"I'm picturing -because I saw a show that Riston show me, because we like the same things of course- a show called Chuck. It's about this guy, Chuck, that works at a Best Buy type of store. You know how they have the geek squad or the nerd herd? Those tech people with the cars?"

"....Sure."

"That's what I meant. Sorry."

"Okay. What's it been like in your family growing up? Has anything been different for you?"

"No, I remember my first memory talking about my adoption was in third grade. I forgot the teacher, but I remember telling everyone, 'Guys! Did you know I'm adopted? And I'm getting a pool. I remember I said the same two things. I'd be like 'Wait? You didn't know I"m adopted and getting a pool?! What?!' I was a pretty self-centered kid, not gonna lie."

"Ha, anyway, how old were you when you were told that you were adopted? What was it like?"

"Um, too young to remember what age. I always remember knowing it. I can't remember there ever being a time when I didn't know it. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I got you! Do you think about it very often, or is it just kind of low-key?"

"I think, I don't know. Both? Like, it's in the background, but I also think about it a lot. It's a 'what if?'. I already have a great family, so meeting my other family would just be another cherry on top of the sundae."

"What have you found out so far about your brith mother or pre-adoption life?"

"I know that I had a foster family for a while. I forgot their names, but my mom and dad said they were pretty chill and that they loved me. They named me Breanna, but my mom and dad didn't really like that name. They thought it was kind of a preppy girl name or like a popular and too common name, so they named me Rowan instead. An then, I don't really know much about her other than weird details. My dad didn't want me and I basically the product of a one night stand in a hotel room. My dad was also a wedding crasher (they met at a wedding). It was in Chicago, and then my birth mother moved to Iowa City and gave birth to me there. I also know that my dad was a redhead and my mom smoked during her pregnancy. To her defense, she didn't know she was pregnant with me."

"So when you imagine meeting your birth mother, if you're imagining a positive situation -which I'm sure it will be- what do you feel?"

"Ummm, kind of excitement, but also dread because I feel bad talking about it with my actual parents. They feel like they're better than she is. Not necessarily in a snobby way, but because they put in hard work raising me. I also feel bad because it seems like I have more interest in her than I have in them."

"So you feel kind of guilty in a way?"

"Yeah! That's the word I was looking for. Whenever I talk about it with them, they're just kind of try to be accepting, but I tell they don't like it, so I try not to bring it up."

"You said that when you imagine meeting her, you have this scenario where she introduces you to her kids. Could you go into more detail about this mental scene and how it plays out?"

"I just picture sending her the letter and her being like 'Oh! No way! I want to meet you in person! I bet you're so beautiful! I've never seen you before blah, blah, blah'. Then I'd go to her house. In some scenarios, I see her as being rich, then in others, she's living in a trailer park. I'd definitely be chill with either one! I actually read a book by James Patterson called Maximum Ride. It was about these little bird kids that went to go find their birth parents. This one kid went to meet them in a trailer park. Anyways, I always pictured her just accepting her and it being awkward because my actual mom would be five feet behind us. We'd squeal and hug. I also pictured there being a big holiday where I'd be the awkward one going to my birth family's celebration. Does that make sense?"

"I get you, don't worry! It's like in Switched at Birth where they invite the other family to celebrate Christmas with them."

"Yeah! I actually really feel like I can identify with that show."

"Haha, I can see why. You've told me before that it was a closed adoption, right?"

"Yeah."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I can't know anything about my parents or find out anything until I'm eighteen. MY parents can't really tell me anything specific, even though they have. I know where and what day I"m born, but I don't know a lot about my birth parents."

"Since you're so curious about this, which is of course reasonable since it's such a huge mystery of a piece of your identity, is there any tension caused by your curiosity and the closed adoption circumstances?"

"No. I love reading and writing, so I just consider it an interesting thing about me. I'm not upset as much as I am curious. Sometimes I'm just like 'Why can't I know anything?' but of course the answer is 'It's a closed adoption. You're not allowed to know anything, or else we'll get into big trouble' which I just respond with 'Okay!' and leave it at that. "

"So you're chill with it and you just understand."

"Oh yeah, I'm chill. So chill. Definitely chill."

"I hate to be super negative here, but do you ever picture any bad outcomes of meeting your mom?"

"Yeah, I have pictured her either not responding to my theoretical letter or me going up to her door step and a thing from Across the Universe happening. The movie's based on a bunch of Beatles songs and the guy lives in Europe. He talks about how he goes back to America or a different part of Europe, I can't remember. He meets his dad, whom he had never known before, and the dad is super negative towards him and doesn't want him to be there. He says he already has a family and that he doesn't need him. I picture something almost like that, but I already love my family so much. I'd be so sad. It'd be like ripping the cherry off the sundae, but my sundae is already pretty hella good."

"So basically, these are situations of rejection."

"Yeah, I'd probably be a little messed up afterward. Maybe I'd need a little therapy."

"But the risk is worth taking, right?"

"Yeah, for sure."

"Is this a huge dream of yours or is it a side goal? How much importance does it have to you?"

"It's just kind of a side goal, but a pretty important one. Maybe number one or two on the side goal list. I mean, I don't really know what else is on my side goal list, so it's number one. It's not super important. There are more important things in life like going to college, finding the one, making lifelong best friends like you-"

'AWWWWWWW YISSSSSS."

"-and then just finding who you are. Shoot, well it's kind of apart of that so, uh..."

"It's like you want to find who you are, and rather than this being all of it, it's just a piece of that. You can still do all of that without it, but this would be a really great part to have."

"Yeah! I couldn't have said it any better myself."

Most Beautiful Moment in Life: My Mother's Marriage

My mom is a very private lady (as is the rest of my family), so it took a deal of persuasion to get her to allow a photo and interview. I asked her about a beautiful moment in her lifetime. Her first answer was seeing the faces of her kids. The second thing she shared was her wedding with my father decades ago.

"We had been planning to get married for what seemed like a very long time, and when the time came, it was a beautiful moment for me. "

"How did you two meet?"

"I met him when he was in the Philippines in 1983 when he was part of a summer service team from the U.S. They worked with the street children in Manila."

"What was your first impression of dad?"

"I thought he wasn't really worth a second look. At the time, I thought I would never marry a foreigner."

"How did you grow close?"

"When he finally moved into the apartment next to mine and we became neighbors.  We started talking and became friends and that's the beginning."

"How did you become friends? Was there a common interest?"

"Well, his office worked along our office, so we talked about the neighborhood and ministries. I was twenty-six. He was twenty-eight."

"How did you start dating?"

"First I invited him to come to our church. It was like a men's Sunday, so I invited him to come as a visitor. Then he introduced me to Pizza Hut. It was my first time trying pizza."

"How did he propose?"

"He proposed on Christmas Eve, asking if I would like to be his wife. I didn't say yes at first. I told him it depended of if his parents approved of our relationship first. If not, I said 'It doesn't matter how much I love you. If your parents are against this, I can't marry you."

"How long did it take to get approval?"

"Well, we had to wait for the letters to arrive. Maybe about a week or two. I wanted it to be in the physical form of a letter."

"What was your wedding like?"

"Oh, it was long I guess. It was a normal Filipino wedding. My brother, who was supposed to 'give me away' did not arrive on time because the vehicle he was riding in broke down on the way to the wedding. So, I just grabbed one of my officemates and said 'Hey! Give me away.'"

"So how was it a 'typical Filipino wedding?'"

"Well it was long, about an hour. The pastor preached. There was some special music, a message, an exchange of vows. The rituals were long. I know here in the U.S., it's like fifteen minutes, but Filipino ceremonies take more time."

"What was one of the rituals?"

"One of the bridesmaids and groomsmen will tie a cord around you, symbolizes that you will be together as one. They also put a veil on you, which meant that you would live together under one roof."

"What did the venue look like?"

"Beautiful. The church was decorated with tons of daisies. My coworkers decorated it for us. I had never seen the church before then either. It was sic o'clock in the evening on a hot Saturday, October 17."

"Did anything go wrong?"

"Well, apart from the whole van of people not being able to come until later, it was okay. Pretty typical."

"What was your favorite part?"

"When it was over. I was exhausted."

"And how long have you been together now?"

"Twenty-eight years, and counting."

July 2015

7 Things to do this October

October is the peak of autumn with changing leaves, a chilly breeze, and spooky charisma. Don't forget to do these 7 crucial things!

1) Carve some sp00ky pumpkins

Go beyond the generic face pumpkins and create a true masterpiece. Get creative and carve some dank memes, your favorite fictional character, whatever the heart calls for. This year I'm planning on a Ron Swanson pumpkin (stencil here) and my friend Joyce is recreating her yaoi face masterpiece from last year. When carving, try cutting from the bottom rather than the top before hollowing out your pumpkin. Also, if you're putting a tea candle in your artistic gourd, which you should, sprinkle some cinnamon inside.

2) Have a movie night

Bring back the old Halloween classics after carving your pumpkins for maximum sp00ky. What my friends and I do is watch something Chinese/Taiwanese (I'm not sure why). Last year we watched Jay Chou's "Secret", my favorite cheesy romance. This year we'll be watching Jun from Korean group Seventeen's Chinese vampire web drama. I've heard it's pretty awful, so perhaps I can cry from laughter rather this year rather than the sobbing mess "Secret" reduces me to. 

3) Go stargazing

Grab some blankets and people you tolerate for a chill night of stargazing. Drive a little out of town and bring music. Constellations to look out for in the northern hemisphere include Andromeda, Aquarius, Capricornus, Pegasus, and Pisces. Year-round constellations like Cassiopeia, Cepheus, Draco, and Ursa Major&Minor will be present as well. Google Sky Map is an incredibly useful and free app for finding constellations and planets. 10/10 would recommend. 

4) Notice all the ladybugs

Before everything freezes for the winter, there are hoards of cute little ladybugs everywhere. If you're into photography, try taking some macro shots. Ladybugs are surprisingly interesting subjects. If you're not a photo pro, you should still observe them from time to time. What can I say? They're adorable.

5) Have a bonfire (or multiple bonfires)

Roast some marshmallows for smores. Roast some hotdogs. Roast your friends with some sick bars.

6) Enjoy the atmosphere

Take a moment to get comfortable and just cherish the atmosphere of falling leaves, soft rustling wind, etc. There's a distinct sense of melancholy and/or nostalgia each October.

7) Take pictures (especially with friends)

Autumn colors make gorgeous portraits and scenic shots. The magic hours at sunrise and sunset provide optimal lighting, just be ready for potential cold.

Photography and Me

I'm known by my family and friends for continuously changing interests. From drawing to painting, painting to crocheting, crocheting to knitting, knitting to jewelry-making, jewelry-making back to painting, painting to polymer clay, polymer clay to graphic design etc. It didn't take me to long to transition from one investment to the next. The only consistent hobbies of mine have been dance and photography.

Since I was young, cameras had been intriguing to me. When my mom would give me a disposable camera to take pictures on a field trip, it was the same sensation that my peers experienced when given candy. Rather than play games, I was much more interested in freezing the action in film.

Unfortunately for my mom, I would also borrow her digital camera in 2nd-4th grade. The device was a small brick-ish prism that had an amazing video recording function. It could only shoot 30 seconds of 240p footage. The pathetic brick was the key to Youtube fame, my mini dream in elemtary school.

 My first digital camera was a Nikon Coolpix s220, a birthday present at the gate of pre-adolescence. It was a pristine shade of aqua and could fit in my pocket. I mostly took pictures of my pet birds and my friends (things most important to me). When I felt especially edgy, I would lock the door to my room, wear my most lovely plaid blouse and bleach white jeans, and take super high fashion photos. It was pretty professional stuff.

As I grew older, I took greater notice in the details of my surroundings. Frosted spider webs hiding under the patio and raindrop-adorned flowers caught my attention. My compact camera just wasn't good enough anymore. I wanted art. After some web research, I created a birthday proposal for a new, better camera. The Fujifilm Finepix s6800 was the bridge camera for me. I want to be able to not only capture sights, but also preserve and portray feeling. From 2014 to 2015, my bridge camera was a tool in investigating macro, shutter speeds, aperture, etc. My passion for photography was born. I even eventually gathered enough confidence to post an image on Instagram. It was a big deal for me to let others see something I was serious about. By the summer of 2015, I was ready for something more advanced.

If getting the $160 Fujifilm camera was a heavy request, asking for financial aid in obtaining a Nikon D3300 was huge. It took months to convince my dad that my ability had outgrown the camera I already had. Eventually I did get it, and it definitely paid to invest. The photos were clearer, the colors were actually nice instead of being abrasive to the eyes or dull (pre-editing), and the was actual subject isolation. It was amazing. With the new camera, I had actual options outside of macro photography (due to the fujifilm's small sensor). Even with macro photography, the DSLR did it at least 600x better, of course.

The first picture I took with the D3300. That's its box on my brother's head. Pretty great night.

Now, photography is almost a need, a fix. If I don't take pictures for a long period, I feel awful. Through a camera, things are just so much more beautiful. Photography also gave me the ability to share thoughts, feelings, and sights. Not only could I share, but I also received reward through comments on my flickr. A post on my tumblr also became pretty popular (788 notes!). Not only did I feel more confident, but my friends also beautiful through portraits I took of them. Overall, photography allows me to see, share, and even create beauty. The ability to capture memories is another huge thing to me. I hope to be able to look back decades from now at moments in high quality. Though I still jump around other hobbies, taking and editing photos created a home for itself - it's staying.